Dr Ashaq Hussain
When dowry defines marriage, equality and respect lose their meaning.
Marriage is often considered more than just the union of two individuals; it is also viewed as a merging of two families. One of the most common, yet complex, relationships that emerges from this union is between a daughter-in-law and her new family, particularly her in-laws that is laden with expectations, customs, and obligations. For centuries, these traditions have been passed down through generations, sometimes imposing strict societal roles, particularly on women. In many cultures, newlywed brides are expected to conform to their in-laws’ expectations, often at the expense of their freedom, identity, and mental well-being. The pressures can be overwhelming, leading to emotional strain and perpetuating patriarchal norms. However, as modern values evolve and education spreads, women are beginning to challenge these traditional constraints, demanding their rightful respect and autonomy.
In the past, patriarchal structures have confined women to particular roles in marriage, and the widespread practice of dowries has exposed the exploitation of newlyweds. Legal prohibitions and shifting public perceptions aside, dowries persist under the cover of “gift” or “cultural tradition.” The unwritten expectation that the bride will bow to the in-laws’ power, regardless of how oppressive or ridiculous their demands may be, goes hand in hand with the dowry. The function of the daughter-in-law is well defined in many traditional households: she is expected to settle in, occasionally even take on domestic duties, and frequently take on a supporting role to other family members, especially her mother-in-law. For generations, the idea was that a woman, upon marriage, leaves her own family behind and becomes part of her husband’s family, fully absorbing their values, routines, and expectations.
This model worked in eras where women had little social or economic independence. But as times have changed, women have increasingly taken on roles that allow them to stand on equal footing with their husbands-professionally, emotionally, and financially. As a result, the expectations placed on them within a traditional marriage and family dynamic can seem outdated and, at times, unfair.
So today, in a world where education, awareness, and individual rights are more widely recognized, many women are beginning to resist these impositions. This action isn’t about rebellion or rejection of tradition; it’s about mutual respect. It’s about creating a space where a daughter-in-law is seen as an individual with her own values, aspirations, and rights. This write up presents a story that encapsulates this shift, a young bride who refuses to be treated as a transactional object and stands up for her dignity. The story goes like this; The day after her wedding, bride is met with a harsh reminder of the power dynamics in her new home. Her mother-in-law, embodying the old patriarchal order, commands her to wake up early and conform to the household’s strict schedule shouts, “Wake up early in the morning, we drink tea by 6 a.m., we won’t tolerate these habits of yours. This isn’t your mother’s home.”
The present educated, well aware, disciplined young bride with calm and measured, chooses not to respond immediately to this outburst. Instead, she retrieves a diary, a pen, and two bags, prepared to assert her independence and challenge the transactional nature of her marriage. After a wait of few minutes, started addressing her mother-in-law, she says: “Mother-in-law, this is the list of things you sent to our house before the wedding. Please check; nothing is missing.”She reads aloud the dowry items: Honda City: 3,560,000, Smart TV (42 inches):52,000, Fridge: 50,000, Washing Machine (Automatic): 35,500, Mixer, Oven, and other electronics: 160,000, Sofa, Dining Table, Double Bed: 130,000, Cash: 500,000, the bride, unwavering, continues: “You set a price for your son, and my parents paid it to buy me a husband. Now tell me, was there any demand made regarding the type of girl you wanted? Was I given any instructions about when I should wake up or go to sleep?”
Her mother-in-law is shocked by the young lady’s audacity. As everyone takes in the bride’s remarks, the atmosphere is quiet. The bride opens one of her suitcases with careful calm. Sensing a problem, the mother-in-law nervously inquires, “What is in that bag?” The bride graciously responds,”My father gave me this revolver and told me, ‘Daughter, while you were with us, it was my responsibility to protect you. Now, you must protect yourself.’” At this moment, the mother-in-law abruptly alters her tone after recognizing the seriousness of the situation and her daughter-in-law’s commitment. She becomes gentler as she tries to keep her cool: “Daughter-in-law, you’re still not entirely rested. Return to your bed. Wake up anytime you feel like it, my darling.”
Even though this tale may not be true, it can nonetheless mark a shift in how marriage functions in many contemporary societies. The bride’s subdued yet strong resistance would not only question the custom of the dowry but also the long-standing belief that newlyweds must acquiesce to the frequently irrational demands of their in-laws. It represents the continuous transformation of marriage from a patriarchal control-based institution to one that emphasizes equality, respect for one another, and individual rights more and more. Today’s women should refuse to take a backseat in their own marriages, and as such should assert their own value and defend their rights with conviction and dignity, rather than by insurrection. This cultural revolution today is essential to the advancement of future societies.
In conclusion, the journey towards a more just and equal society often begins with small, individual acts of courage. So each and every woman should assert their independence and demand respect within their marriages, they should not only reclaim their personal agency but also challenge outdated customs that have oppressed them for generations. Through education, awareness, and empowerment, women can reshape the very fabric of marital relationships, moving towards partnerships based on mutual understanding, respect, and shared responsibilities. The above quoted story of the bride who stood her ground thus serves as a beacon of hope, reminding us all that change begins with the courage to speak out against injustice and this story serves as an inspiration for many who face similar challenges. This transformation is crucial for the progress of societies that still struggle with gender inequality.
(The author is Associate Professor Chemistry at Govt Gandhi Memorial (GGM) Science College, Jammu)
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