Vishal Sharma
If you want to know about a society, its cultural mores; what it considers morally acceptable or unacceptable; state of its progression, you just have to look at its weddings. It’s not the only way; but it is arguably the better. Some may, however, contend that it is the best way to seek to know a society.
Regardless of whether it is the better or the best way to figure out societies, one thing is sure that looking at the way people go about their affairs in the weddings, the state of a society in which these weddings happen can be understood very well.
Take for instance the case of Jammu city. Marriage ceremonies have evolved over the years much like everything else in the city. Earlier they were relatively simple affairs. There was understandably gaiety in the family and beyond, but not the pompousness for it was the substance of the ceremony that mattered the most.
In contrast, the whole idea of wedding has been re-imagined today and with it its décor, and that too to an incredible level. It is the theatrics that is the front and centre of the weddings today. From themed floral entrance décor with grand chandeliers to gorgeous tent décor seating idea with lights in the outdoor and heaters for warmth during the winter to colourful mehandi seating idea to the majesty of mandap ambience, the weddings in Jammu city have everything that you may see in the wedding scenes in the TV serials today.
Furthermore, whether it’s floral patterns, elegant drapery, dazzling lights, neutral colours or otherwise; or whether it’s an ethnic setting or a more modern one, there is nothing that is not seen in one or the other wedding in the city. There is just nothing that a Mumbai wedding has in terms of opulent décor that our wedding does not.
Weddings in the old days were high on rituals, with rituals continuing through weeks and days to the actual day of marriage. Today there is a marked shift away from rituals; with only the most necessary being retained. This is because time is of essence and the modern weddings have been compressed to either one or two day affair compared to nearly a month long affair or even more in the past.
When weddings were simpler, the entire army of the extended family or even distant relatives would descend on the bride’s or groom’s place days or weeks ahead of the marriage with their personal wear and other stuff of daily need as would be seen an oddity these days. And they would not come alone; their brood- big and small- grinning from ear to ear would arrive with them. Upon their arrival,the atmosphere would at once turn into one of unbridled festivities and the drum beaters would be called every evening for the celebratory drum beating.The drum beating in the evening provided an opportunity to the menfolk of the family to treat themselves to drinks before dancing wildly to shake off the weariness of the day. Ladies sangeet would go on for weeks leading up to the marriage. The daily celebrations would be rounded off by serving of the meal to the elderly women and the men by the young girls and the women of the family.
This is something that is not there anymore or if it is, it is few and far between, and rather fast vanishing. People have stopped visiting their relatives day or weeks ahead of the marriage. The rendezvous now mostly happens a couple of days before the marriage; and in some cases, the relatives gather on the day of function itself.
The simplicity of the ceremonies has rubbed off on to the wedding feast as well. The only big feast in the run up to reception of bharat/reception thrown by the groom’s family in the past was saant in which the food offered was simple but remarkably palatable to the palate. Even in the reception thrown by the groom’s family or the reception held by the bride’s family, the traditional spread was simple and limited to only rice, Indian bread, a few daals and vegetable dishes. The sweet dishes that were part of this culinary display were either gulabjamun or carrot pudding or in some cases the lentil pudding. The non veg offering was considered a taboo except in some communities.
However, the traditional wedding spread has evolved over the years to include non traditional wedding foods like continental, Italian, Chinese, Mexican etc. Also, other Indian wedding foods have found its way into our wedding spread and they include Punjabi, South Indian, Gujarati etc. From seating people on the ground during meals in the past to offering a buffet of every possible dish, Jammu wedding today offers you every food imaginable and ice creams of all colours and flavours as well as decadent cakes. The culinary evolution has been ridiculously spectacular. As if this were not enough, the number of feasts has also increased with parties being thrown both by brides’ maternal and paternal uncles and aunts. Cocktail parties have also been formalized these days although booze flowed like water, and there were revelries in the run up to and on the day of marriage in the past too. But it did not have the kind of sanction it has today.
The change has not been limited to only pageantry in functions, food etc. It has also had an effect on how the people have celebrated their weddings. This evolution in celebration is best reflected in the way they are attired in the weddings and how they have taken pains to look smart and attractive. Earlier, understandably, people wore new clothes, as the occasion demanded that they did so. But the clothes they wore were more traditional reflecting the flair of times as much as the premium they put on modesty. The best one saw was lehenga: an ensemble comprising an elaborate and often heavy skirt with a long blouse called choli with a duppatta to cover the head. Otherwise, it was the traditional suit or sari. For men, it was either a kurtapyjama or a two piece suit.
Today, the accent is on celebration and when it is celebration, it better be no holds barred- that is the mantra. There is so much that you see in the weddings today from pre draped saries, to anarkalikurtas with a sharara or a palazzo pant tolehenga skirt with a crop top or even a co-ord set. As far the men, they have moved to wearing sherwanis, kurtas, churidars, bandgalas and of course the chic western outfits. The range is simply swashbuckling.
Similarly, bridal make ups- nearly unheard in the past- are an inalienable part of the modern day weddings. They are no doubt feast for the roving eyes, but they also point to the artistry that lies behind them. There is a whole range that the brides opt for these days; from applying a thick line of eyeliner and volumizing mascara to the eyes to adding a pop of color with mascara or false lashes in different colour shades to using pink or peach light golden lids and neutral lips for glittery eyes to pair bold colour lipstick with gold and bronze eye shadows and a highlighter on the cheek bones to creating a surreal 3D bridal make up. Then there is a smoky eye look as well that is tantalizing beautiful but of course not all eyes can carry that look. Men also go through a bit of facial cleaning to look the part.
There are many fascinations about the modern weddings; one of them is the near uncontrollable appetite among young girls and women (not old) to sometimes dress in couture, which, by all means, can’t keep them warm in a wintry wedding evening. Yet they walk around in those dresses struggling to hold their own against the biting cold, even as they pretend that they are not affected by it. The other spectacle that equally fascinates is when the young girls strut around holding up their heavy and oversized skirts so that they don’t drag on the ground or slip under their feet. This has often left people wondering why on the earth do they feel the need to wear them in the first place.
Our weddings are special cultural occasions; they bring two people together in conjugal bliss; and the two families together in perpetual union. They also afford the people an opportunity to gather, meet one another and celebrate. More than that, they tell something about us; our food, rituals, clothes, and much more. They tell us who we are as people. While celebration is the essence of the weddings, and it indeed should be, for humans carry out the most important function of keeping the tradition of families going through them, it should not stop us from raising the most fundamental question; Are we doing the weddings the right way or is there something that needs to change?
(The writer is a novelist)
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