Shonima Malhotra
Happiness, though just an eight-letter word connotes a deep and strong meaning. When I commenced writing this article, I was confused and in a fix as to from where to start my article and how to proceed. My nephew Shubhang Sethi suggested a very simple answer to my question and indecisiveness. He proposed that I can frame this article around a very simple definition of happiness i.e. ‘true happiness lies not in searching happiness but in realising happiness’. I was actually stunned with his suggestion because he despite being so younger to me described the real and true meaning of happiness in such a simple way. It was so simple and easy for him to understand and define happiness in just one precise sentence. To be honest, this is something which he not only believes in theoretically, but practices in his life too. So attaining happiness is not a matter of age but a matter of realization. Feeling his proposal and suggestion to be very truly appropriate, I decided to keep his tag line as the title of my article.
The fact is that happiness is not something very hard to attain. It is no more than a matter of mental construct. Our mind set regarding the meaning and definition of happiness goes a long way in deciding the level of our happiness. The pace at which society is progressing and altering, the degree of happiness of the members of the society is decreasing. With each step we are taking towards progression and development, moving from simple to complex.
Our happiness can really come alive with proper furnishings and artifacts of our lives. I will give an example here to make my point clear. Just as one of the most impacting steps in the journey of construction of our homes is the selection of colours for our homes which plays a very pivotal role in giving a shape to the visual appearance and appeal of our homes, likewise the choice of colours for our lives has a determining and deciding role in shaping our lives. The brighter the colours we choose, the higher the degree of happiness in our lives. As against this, the duller the colours we choose, the proportion and percentage of happiness in our lives will be reduced. The choice of colours here is taken as an analogy and simile of our attitude and perception towards life or in other words, the way we define the meaning, definition, scope and way of achieving and gaining happiness. The brighter colour symbolises positivity and happy go lucky attitude and duller colour reflects negativity in one’s approach. Avoid black and dark colours that attract the dust of unhappiness easily. It’s equally important to remember that adding too many colours (complications) can end up making our lives cluttered and complicated. My emphasis is on the point that if we can make so much efforts to beautify our homes which is just something materialistic, can’t we put in efforts to beautify our lives and make it happier, something which will move along with us throughout our lives. Throughout our lives we live with an attitude of searching happiness – I would be happy when I get admitted to a reputed school or good college, when I become a graduate, when I secure a good job, when I get married, when I become able enough to take care of my family, when my children seek admission in good educational institutions, when they get married, when they get settled in life. I am sure most of us can relate to this. But if we ponder over it deeply feel it is nothing more than just having an approach of postponing our happiness. Many of us hold a notion that ‘Success equates Happiness’. We centre our happiness around ‘if and then’. If I achieve this then I will be happy. And we spend rather end up our lives fulfilling this condition. Saying so, I don’t intend to convey that be satisfied with your condition and circumstances because again being satisfied with one’s circumstances cannot be equated with happiness. One can be dissatisfied but still be happy. As a matter of fact, it is this feeling of dissatisfaction only that motivates us to set higher goals and aims in our lives and strive to attain them. Let me give another example here. A student having scored second position may not be satisfied with his rank and it is this feeling of dissatisfaction only that will instil in him a feeling of working harder to achieve first position but that does not imply that till the time he is working to attain his goal, he should be unhappy. He can be happy with whatever he has achieved and keep trying to improve his position. Instead of keeping thinking that why didn’t he stood first, he can think the other way round that at least he performed better than many other students. In fact if he maintains a happy frame of mind and remain positive he will be in a better position to pursue his objective. So, it is a very simple fact that creating happiness is in our own hands. We always feel elated with our big achievements at different stages of our life but often fail to value small things because we consider them to be very trivial. We don’t realize how short-sighted this mentality is. We do not understand that the elation and happiness related to these achievements is short lived and would eventually pop up. In happiness research, there’s something called “set-point theory.” It states that the increase in someone’s happiness in response to life events, such as winning the lottery or moving into a bigger house, will return to its baseline after time. This theory teaches us that we should enjoy the journey, not the destination, of life events. It’s important to remove the illusion that there is any one thing in this world that will make us permanently happy. Even though money matters, it’s not the only thing that contributes to our happiness for money cannot buy us good health, peace of mind, happiness and most important life itself.
The punch line is obvious. Stop chasing happiness and welcome and embrace everyday moments with open arms. Start finding joy in small, tiny things and day to day moments like entering into your living room and noticing the light hitting a vase of tulips, enjoying nature etc. I know these are things that are not going to win you medals, but when you add them all up at the end of your life, they are going to define whether it was a life worth living. We cannot decide in which direction our lives would move but can surely shape how we are going to live our lives and only that is important. To have happiness, we need to say yes to things as they come our way. We need to learn to take charge of our brains and program more happiness into your lives. I advocate for the pursuit of a meaningful life, rather than chasing happiness. Research backs me up on this. When people pursue eudemonia, they end up with greater well-being. They’re actually healthier, and they live longer, too. Now the million-dollar question is how to have a meaningful life? One of the key aspects of a meaningful life is valuing your life and also what you have in your life. Accept your life as it is and learn to minimize and end your expectations. Regret will lead you only towards sadness.
I think people’s striving and struggling for some ideal “happiness” is one of the great reasons of their unhappiness. Happiness, I feel, is not something that one has to earn but simply something one has to feel, realize and practice. So, strive rather for a healthy mind and body, a sense of purpose, and the ability to give and receive love without reservation or expectation. Life is not always a bed of roses. We do face hardships in our lives too. But it entirely depends on our state of mind as to how we face those problems. What is important is to maintain balance and neutrality irrespective of circumstances and situations. So say cheese and be happy.
(The author is Assistant Professor Sociology, GDC Sidhra).